Seconds slowly slip through fingers
Time ticks by, it’s lost forever
Blood has spilt and still it lingers
Seconds slowly slip through fingers
Tomorrow is our last endeavor
Seconds slowly slip through fingers
Time ticks by, it’s lost forever
Photo by Heather Zabriskie
Beautiful and haunting, Danielle! I love the blood has spilt line. It gives a dark spin to this triolet. Well done!
I love how this sounds like a ticking clock. My favorite line: Tomorrow is our last endeavor
I love how this starts off dark, but there is a ray of hope in “tomorrow is our last endeavor”. So beautifully written!
“tomorrow is our last endeavor.” The hope, I hope there is always a tomorrow. Beautiful poem. So relevant.
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Beautiful poem, Danielle. I am certainly not a poetry expert by any stretch, but I think you are missing a line. A triolet has 8 lines, and you need a new “a” line at line 5.
I tried to fix it, but I can’t think of another line right now because I’m chasing kiddos. I guess it’s my own twist on a triolet 😉
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Even though it’s not quiet a triolet, this is still really powerful! The “seconds slowly” refrain is emphatic, and “Blood has spilt and still it lingers” is such a gorgeous line. All the “s” sounds throughout add to the feeling of desperation.
Thanks, Ruby! I’m kind of kicking myself for missing that line. I even took notes from Rowan’s slam she posted. Still missed that extra line. Oh well…
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Danielle Dayney 
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