Over Breakfast

Eat her pancakes (no butter, how you like). Devour every fluffy bite doused in sticky maple syrup from Vermont. Savor the crunch of bacon, barely burnt around the edges. Drink two glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice.

Once your plate is barren, admit it’s over.

Smile, walking out the door.

Photo courtesy ofย Brigitte Tohm/Unsplash

***

This is in response to this month’s microprose challenge at Yeah Write. Interested? Go over at give it a go! Voting starts at 10pm tonight =)

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17 thoughts on “Over Breakfast

  1. I agree with Laissez Faire on the first line. “Eat her pancakes” makes a clear suggestion that these two people are separate, breakfast eater does not want what the other person has to offer. I think I’m offended by the fact that this person would eat this lovely meal and then just get up and go…makes me angry.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Loved, loved, loved it! Or maybe it’s because of all the fluffy pancakes and maple syrup ๐Ÿ˜› Kidding. There are such mean, disgusting people in the world who only take from others and leave whenever they fancy. Good one Danielle!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Stealing his nerves with a calorie rich meal to do what must be done? or soaking one last moment of joy out of a, possibly, joyless relationship? Either way, I’m glad you chose maple syrup — there is no other kind.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mmm, pancakes. I couldn’t tell if he was enjoying an amicable last meal or taking advantage of her cooking one last time, and I enjoyed the ambiguity.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I like the sparse, prescriptive tone here, although shortening the description of the syrup might have given you the extra 2-3 words you needed to better anchor the reader in the first sentence. I’d love to see you bring some of this stripped-down sensibility to your longer work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Rowan! I really appreciate the comment and compliment. Stripping down my writing is something I’ve been working on in bits. Sounds like I need to focus on it more ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  6. I loved the “no hard feelings” in your last sentence. I was expecting there to be bitterness to even out the sweet. I think the story could be improved by taking out some of the adjectives. Some nouns need to breathe.

    Liked by 1 person

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