Tick, Tock

13 thoughts on “Tick, Tock”

1. 

   d3athlily September 27, 2016 — 11:47 am

   Beautiful and haunting, Danielle! I love the blood has spilt line. It gives a dark spin to this triolet. Well done!

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      Danielle Dayney September 27, 2016 — 12:32 pm

      Thanks! The debate may or may not have helped with this one…

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2. 

   Laissez Faire September 28, 2016 — 2:39 pm

   I love how this sounds like a ticking clock. My favorite line: Tomorrow is our last endeavor

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      Danielle Dayney September 28, 2016 — 3:15 pm

      Thank you! So glad you got the ticking clock part!

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      1. 

         Laissez Faire September 29, 2016 — 10:34 pm

         It was really fantastic. I can still hear it in my head

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3. 

   mixedbag September 28, 2016 — 10:38 pm

   I love how this starts off dark, but there is a ray of hope in “tomorrow is our last endeavor”. So beautifully written!

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      Danielle Dayney September 28, 2016 — 10:49 pm

      Thanks, Hema! There’s always a silver lining 🙂

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4. 

   oldendaysk September 29, 2016 — 2:30 am

   “tomorrow is our last endeavor.” The hope, I hope there is always a tomorrow. Beautiful poem. So relevant.

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5. 

   ellenbehm September 29, 2016 — 6:18 pm

   Beautiful poem, Danielle. I am certainly not a poetry expert by any stretch, but I think you are missing a line. A triolet has 8 lines, and you need a new “a” line at line 5.

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      Danielle Dayney September 29, 2016 — 7:13 pm

      Shoot!

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   2. (Post author)

      Danielle Dayney September 29, 2016 — 7:28 pm

      I tried to fix it, but I can’t think of another line right now because I’m chasing kiddos. I guess it’s my own twist on a triolet 😉

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6. 

   rubybastille September 30, 2016 — 10:26 pm

   Even though it’s not quiet a triolet, this is still really powerful! The “seconds slowly” refrain is emphatic, and “Blood has spilt and still it lingers” is such a gorgeous line. All the “s” sounds throughout add to the feeling of desperation.

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      Danielle Dayney October 1, 2016 — 10:32 am

      Thanks, Ruby! I’m kind of kicking myself for missing that line. I even took notes from Rowan’s slam she posted. Still missed that extra line. Oh well…

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