I am going to be completely candid here, because I am trying to grow and become a better person and without being totally honest with myself, my family and my friends I won’t be able to grow to my full potential.
Crap… Here goes nothing.
You see, I am a loving, caring, hardworking, honest, good person. I love with my whole heart, am incredibly emotional (in a good way), passionate, empathetic and I have a dry, geeky sense of humor. I also have a hot Irish temper.
Today, I am working on embracing myself for who I am and loving me for me. I am growing more and more with each passing day, but six months ago this was not the case.
Six months ago I was TOTALLY broken.
I don’t know what it was that pushed me over the edge. Was it the lack of sleep? The moving with a newborn? The stress of trying to figure out how to mother two small children simultaneously? Was it that I was still not totally dealing with my mom’s passing? The crazy dogs? I really have know idea, but what I do know is that one day it all piled on top of me like a ton of bricks and I snapped. I could no longer be the loving, vibrant mother/wife/person that I wanted to be. I was a fragile mess and I really didn’t know how to fix it.
I think I literally had a nervous breakdown.
My husband tried to help, but he couldn’t. I tried to fix myself, but in my state of mind I didn’t possess the right tools to get me mentally where I needed to be. I didn’t know what else to do, so reluctantly I started researching life counselors. I was really hesitant to talk to a stranger about my problems, but I decided to give it a shot. I had nothing left, mentally, so what did I have to lose?
The first time I went to my counselor I sat down and she asked me what brought me in and the words and tears just started falling out of my face like a volcano erupting. It was completely and totally liberating,but also super scary. However, after I walked away from that session I felt better than I had in a long time.
I still see her once a month.
Today, through my conversations with her, I have come to realize that I have always held so much back for fear of failure. My self worth was low from a whole slew of events, but now it’s on the mend. All of this, plus lack of sleep and the incredible pressure I placed on myself to remember and do everything probably led to my emotional collapse.
Since that day she has helped me get to this place where I am able to tell this story without feeling ashamed. What I went through was totally normal and I was STRONG by seeking help. Not weak.
Today I sit here HAPPY knowing that each day I’m getting better. Each day I’m growing, becoming that much better of a person.
Each day I become a little more UNbroken.