Unbroken

I am going to be completely candid here, because I am trying to grow and become a better person and without being totally honest with myself, my family and my friends I won’t be able to grow to my full potential.

Crap…  Here goes nothing.

You see, I am a loving, caring, hardworking, honest, good person.  I love with my whole heart, am incredibly emotional (in a good way), passionate, empathetic and I have a dry, geeky sense of humor.  I also have a hot Irish temper.

Today, I am working on embracing myself for who I am and loving me for me.  I am growing more and more with each passing day, but six months ago this was not the case.

Six months ago I was TOTALLY broken.

I don’t know what it was that pushed me over the edge.  Was it the lack of sleep?  The moving with a newborn?  The stress of trying to figure out how to mother two small children simultaneously?  Was it that I was still not totally dealing with my mom’s passing?  The crazy dogs?  I really have know idea, but what I do know is that one day it all piled on top of me like a ton of bricks and I snapped.  I could no longer be the loving, vibrant mother/wife/person that I wanted to be.  I was a fragile mess and I really didn’t know how to fix it.

I think I literally had a nervous breakdown.

My husband tried to help, but he couldn’t.  I tried to fix myself, but in my state of mind I didn’t possess the right tools to get me mentally where I needed to be.  I didn’t know what else to do, so reluctantly I started researching life counselors.  I was really hesitant to talk to a stranger about my problems, but I decided to give it a shot.  I had nothing left, mentally, so what did I have to lose?

The first time I went to my counselor I sat down and she asked me what brought me in and the words and tears just started falling out of my face like a volcano erupting.  It was completely and totally liberating,but also super scary.  However, after I walked away from that session I felt better than I had in a long time.

I still see her once a month.

Today, through my conversations with her, I have come to realize that I have always held so much back for fear of failure.  My self worth was low from a whole slew of events, but now it’s on the mend.  All of this, plus lack of sleep and the incredible pressure I placed on myself to remember and do everything probably led to my emotional collapse.

Since that day she has helped me get to this place where I am able to tell this story without  feeling ashamed.  What I went through was totally normal and I was STRONG by seeking help.  Not weak.

Today I sit here HAPPY knowing that each day I’m getting better.  Each day I’m growing, becoming that much better of a person.

Each day I become a little more UNbroken.